Jack Attack

Ultimate Lost Recap

We find out how Jack got half of his tattoo. It's lame.

An extraordinarily boring episode last night that I actually fast forwarded through at one point (a first). During island time: Kate and Sawyer broke up (that was fast), Jack changed his mind 45 times and ends up saving the blond lady. Quote of the day: "break off a branch from that aloe plant [that just so happens to be within eyesight of my outdoor cage- also, grab a leaf from that neosporin plant and the bark of that band-aid tree]".

The back story was horrendous, as are all of Jack's stories. We find out how he get his tattoo, or at least half of it (I guess they are saving the rest of the tattoo for another back story? WTF?). He fell hard for a kite-flying Chinese woman who he thought was a hooker, but was actually a tattoo artist. But she doesn't give tattoos, she SHE'S WHO PEOPLE REALLY ARE AND THEN GIVES THEM A TATTOO OF WHAT SHE SHES. She acts like it is this horrible gift/curse thing, but then she gives Jack a tattoo (after he roughs her up) because it is suddenly very important that he gets one. For unexplained reasons this is an act of cultural war, although it would have been a little less stupid if those reasons were explained. At any rate, the woman's brother and friends come and beat up Jack and tell him to leave because he got this Mystic Tattoo- but it's only part of the tattoo. Why? Why could it not be the whole tattoo? AGGGGG!

Island story: apparently there is a new sheriff in town, literally. Some new woman island character is the sheriff, finding out what happened with the blond lady killing that other dude. They are going to execute her or something, but then Jack gets, well, it doesn't really matter what happens. The end result is she is alive, Jack helped her, whatevs.

During the course of this turd of a story, Jack sees the stewardess from The Plane. She is outside his cage, along with a bunch of other extras and some little blond white girl we are supposed to remember, I think. She asks Jack how he's doing, and the little girl wants to know how Ana Lucia is. Jack flips out (appropriately), because these people are obviously brain damaged. The ongoing "The Others don't think of themselves as bad guys" thing is probably the worst part of the plot, in my eyes. They cannot possibly be acting for good reasons that are unknown to us at this time, in which case they are up to no good. Which is fine, but the fact that they act like they aren't crazy evil bastards is really annoying.

Horrible Scenes From Next Week: "The Reunion Everyone Has Been Waiting For"? WTF? NOTHING about those scenes make me want to tune in. I think the writers are all just stretching this plot thing out as far as they can because they don't think the network is going to let them call it at 5 seasons, only they don't have enough plot for 9 seasons or whatever. So they are just going to insert horrible pointless episodes a dozen times a season just to stretch it out. In the meantime, viewership is dropping rapidly and the show is flat out sucking. So maybe that's the master plan- make the show suck, get the network to agree to stop producing after 5 seasons, then go buck wild and do all the ideas they have stored in a magic notebook somewhere.