Halloween LOST: The Return of Michael

Michael will return in Season 4. Could I be more disappointed?

I'm Out

Great finish to season 3. I love the plan for only 3 more shorter seasons, with consecutive show airings. I have faith in the writing staff and producers and my demands have been answered. I sign off until such time that the show forces my return, but for now I am pleased.

Diamonds? Seriously?

Ultimate Lost Recap

Nothing happens! Can't wait until next week!

Not a bad episode, but a total throwaway. We are fully introduced to 2 characters who suddenly showed up in this season, but they die in the first 2 minutes of the episodes. Sawyer has the line of the night, after Hurley tells him that "Nikki's dead," "Who the hell is Nikki?" Hahaha, so funny, but that makes it clear that the writers are fully aware they are pulling a stupid stunt to introduce characters that should have been introduced a long time ago. Sure, there's no reason why they couldn't do it, just that it's stupid. They are self-aware that they are making stupid writing choices- so why don't they avoid them? Would it be possible to not introduce back characters like this?

The episode had a nice feel to it, want to know why? Because of all the flashbacks to season 1. They even brought in the old actors for Boone, Shannon and Arntz! Could they be more obvious? "Sorry the last 2 seasons sucked, so we'll just go back in time to season 1 when the show was interesting, and we'll use a few clips to reestablish that feeling." Idiots.

And what a nice ending. Is this The Twilight Zone all of a sudden? And who packs a shovel on an airplane trip from Australia to the US?

Next week: Kate punches the blond Other in the face (again?)

Falling Down

Ultimate Lost Recap

Kate and Sayid get captured trying to talk to Jack, who is about to go home on the submarine. Locke avoids captivity, takes Ben hostage, and ends up blowing up the submarine with the C4 he stole last week. Also, Locke broke his back when his dad shoved him out a window when he was going to rat him out to the police, and apparently his dad is now tied up and gagged in a room in the Others' compound (although it is unclear if it is a magical box that shows you what you want or something).

This episode was pretty good. I thought Locke acted like an idiot. I thought Kate acted like an idiot. I thought Sayid acted like an idiot (seriously, he never gets caught). They acted like idiots, but I can't say they acted out of character.

I am continually disappointed with Locke's childish behavior. What was once mysterious is now simple foolishness.

I am continually pissed off by the interactions of the Others with the Survivors. Here is an analogy: you are a parent (the Others). You have a child (the Survivors). Your child wants chocolate (to get answers / off the island). Every time your child tries to get chocolate, you slap them in the face and yell "Noooo!" This is not going to make your child stop wanting chocolate, this is just going to piss them off and make them want to murder you. However, if you tell your child that they are not supposed to eat chocolate because it will ruin your dinner (the island is a giant science experiment to save the Survivors from an End of Days electromagnet scenario or something), then you give your child the choice to behave. The Others have long since passed the point when it would be reasonable to continue not explaining The Situation to the survivors. If the Others keep talking about how they know the personal history and full names of the Survivors without going into any reasoning as to why they know, well, it's a matter of time before they are all as crazy/stupid as Locke, who had to make up his own little world of reasoning.

Locke is a moron, Part Infinity

Ultimate Lost Recap

Sayid, Kate and Locke find The Other's outpost.

All in all, a respectable episode. The end date for the show has not been set yet, but if they do set it we might expect more episodes like this.

I need a word for when the Back Story sucks and doesn't add anything to the plot. I will select the winner from the comments, and use the word whenever something like this happens (frequently). So Jack and Claire are related- I don't give a crap! Unless Jack is the father of her baby, it just doesn't matter. It doesn't help that my wife figured this out a year ago when Jack saw his father at the house of a woman that looked a lot like an older Claire- and there was a little girl around or something. Anywhoo, boring.

The thing with the sonic fence was moderately cool, although I was almost certain that Dharma dude was faking it. "It's a trick. Get an axe."

French lady got out of there pretty quickly, didn't she?

Locke. Seriously dude, what happened? He used to be in tune with the island. Now he's just running around like a turd. First of all, how could he steal the C4 without blowing up the outpost? And why lie about it? Then he decides to shove that guy through the fence- nice. I'm a little disappointed his head didn't explode, but the sonic thing was a nice touch.

Next week we find out what we stopped caring about a year ago: how Locke got in his wheelchair (that he mysteriously got out of later). I'm betting he was faking it / it was in his head or something.

Checkmate, Locke is a Loser

Ultimate Lost Recap

Sayid found a new Dharma outpost, "The Flame", as well as a map to another outpost, "The Barracks". Locke screws up several times, resulting in a death and the destruction of "The Flame".

Was Locke ever responsible? A long time ago he had this mysterious understanding, but as more time passes he is clearly an idiot. He makes stupid decisions but he somehow thinks he knows best. He was a little more independent in season 1, but since they found the hatch he became a little helpless.

Stupid Locke Decision (SLD) #1: How many times does he need to accidentally let a prisoner escape before he starts paying attention? The guy appears to be unconscious and is tied up, so he goes and plays computer chess? Are you kidding? Worst guard ever. Sayid gave him a look later that implies he will never trust him to be responsible again.

SLD #2: Entering "77". Did he really not think there would be consequences? The entire second season of the show was based around mindlessly entering some numbers in a computer, and when he decided it wasn't important the entire hatch imploded and Desmond got shot into the future/past/something. So of course he doesn't think twice before telling the computer that the station had been overtaken. OF COURSE it will self-destruct, as apparently all the stations are wired to do.

I forget that Sayid is one of the few smart characters that actually makes good decisions. He needs to be involved in all group decisions, as he tends to be right (except the whole approaching with no weapons thing). He actually took something of value from the Dharma basement- wow, a smart decision by a character. How refreshing.

How many times has Kate lost her temper and punched someone in the face?

The side story was nice, showing some decent Hurley / Sawyer interaction. It didn't take up too much time, and they wrapped it up well. Good job.

The back story was pointless. We know Sayid was a torturer and feels bad about it. He's given clemency to prisoners before, so the back story doesn't add anything. Really pointless. We have long since passed the point where the back stories were clearly thought out before the show was created, and the writers are now being forced to come up with back story to fill time. Possibly at gun point.

Why did the dude shoot that lady? WTF? That makes no sense. I'm betting we'll never find out, either. What the crap could be worth her dying? It makes no sense. None. And why did the guy shoot Sayid in the shoulder? If he saw him coming, was that his whole plan? Why not just kill him? Why not lure him inside and then kill him? Again, no sense.

All in all, not a horrendous episode. The pacing was okay and the decisions by characters were reasonable for the most part. It is too bad that we haven't actually gotten any closer to finding anything out. I'm still sticking with the "writers are figuring it out as they go along" approach.

It Was The Blurst Of Times

Ultimate Lost Recap

Nothing Happened. Seriously.

Wow, that was boring. Hurley found a car on the island, which was actually kind of cool. Although it felt like I was watching Little Miss Sunshine, what with the VW van having to roll down the hill to start and all. Hurley's back story revealed that he had a deadbeat dad (played by Cheech), but we didn't actually learn anything about him. Well, except that his Mr. Chicken restaurant was destroyed by a meteor.

And "The Reunion Everyone has been Waiting For" was apparently when Kate and Sawyer came back. If the staff of Lost thinks that anyone cared about that reunion, they are sadly mistaken.

The only thing of actual substance in the show was the last 90 seconds, when Kate went into the woods to find the French woman. Kate then revealed that she thinks Alex is the Frenchie's daughter, but she says it in a way like it's supposed to be shocking- then they cut to the NEEEEUUUURRRR-BOOM sound, end credits. I was confused- we've known that she was her daughter for like 2 years, right? She can't possibly be unaware that she's alive, right? Even if it's shocking to Frenchie, why would the pretend like *we* would be surprised?

This show was complete filler. The last scene could have happend in the first 2 minutes of a decent episode. It is clear that ABC hates the viewers of Lost.

Dear ABC,

You have a show that is interesting because of a mysterious plot. The characters on the show are horrible, and we don't care about them. Please continue revealing the mysterious plot, but it had better not be stupid. We are starting to think that you are completely full of it.

Love,
Your (Dwindling) Viewers

PS Kill at least 3 main characters, NOW!

PPS WTF happened to Walt? Wasn't he part of the show for a while or something?

Jack Attack

Ultimate Lost Recap

We find out how Jack got half of his tattoo. It's lame.

An extraordinarily boring episode last night that I actually fast forwarded through at one point (a first). During island time: Kate and Sawyer broke up (that was fast), Jack changed his mind 45 times and ends up saving the blond lady. Quote of the day: "break off a branch from that aloe plant [that just so happens to be within eyesight of my outdoor cage- also, grab a leaf from that neosporin plant and the bark of that band-aid tree]".

The back story was horrendous, as are all of Jack's stories. We find out how he get his tattoo, or at least half of it (I guess they are saving the rest of the tattoo for another back story? WTF?). He fell hard for a kite-flying Chinese woman who he thought was a hooker, but was actually a tattoo artist. But she doesn't give tattoos, she SHE'S WHO PEOPLE REALLY ARE AND THEN GIVES THEM A TATTOO OF WHAT SHE SHES. She acts like it is this horrible gift/curse thing, but then she gives Jack a tattoo (after he roughs her up) because it is suddenly very important that he gets one. For unexplained reasons this is an act of cultural war, although it would have been a little less stupid if those reasons were explained. At any rate, the woman's brother and friends come and beat up Jack and tell him to leave because he got this Mystic Tattoo- but it's only part of the tattoo. Why? Why could it not be the whole tattoo? AGGGGG!

Island story: apparently there is a new sheriff in town, literally. Some new woman island character is the sheriff, finding out what happened with the blond lady killing that other dude. They are going to execute her or something, but then Jack gets, well, it doesn't really matter what happens. The end result is she is alive, Jack helped her, whatevs.

During the course of this turd of a story, Jack sees the stewardess from The Plane. She is outside his cage, along with a bunch of other extras and some little blond white girl we are supposed to remember, I think. She asks Jack how he's doing, and the little girl wants to know how Ana Lucia is. Jack flips out (appropriately), because these people are obviously brain damaged. The ongoing "The Others don't think of themselves as bad guys" thing is probably the worst part of the plot, in my eyes. They cannot possibly be acting for good reasons that are unknown to us at this time, in which case they are up to no good. Which is fine, but the fact that they act like they aren't crazy evil bastards is really annoying.

Horrible Scenes From Next Week: "The Reunion Everyone Has Been Waiting For"? WTF? NOTHING about those scenes make me want to tune in. I think the writers are all just stretching this plot thing out as far as they can because they don't think the network is going to let them call it at 5 seasons, only they don't have enough plot for 9 seasons or whatever. So they are just going to insert horrible pointless episodes a dozen times a season just to stretch it out. In the meantime, viewership is dropping rapidly and the show is flat out sucking. So maybe that's the master plan- make the show suck, get the network to agree to stop producing after 5 seasons, then go buck wild and do all the ideas they have stored in a magic notebook somewhere.